i cant and wont tell you what to do or how to live your life; its your to live; you ask me if its okay to do this or that or go here or there; i’m always going to say yes; most of the time i dont want to go and wont go, but will encourage you; there are plenty of times where i just want you with me; there may even be a need to have you by my side; i’m weak and often broken; when you leave, there is just an ache in my heart; you’re only gone for a little while; i know you will come back; its often longer than i imagine; just the same, you will return; its the hours of waiting that it all catches up to me; my long day, the pain and hurt; i have no one to talk to and no one to make it okay; i just have to deal with it on my own; i guess i should be getting used to this; its making me an independent person; i should be thankful; there are just sometimes when i need you the most; i need you by my side; i dont want to burst into tears as you drive down the driveway and make that left hand turn to freedom; i just want a quiet movie night or dinner for two; maybe even a little fun and excitement in the apartment; anything that involves the two of us on a saturday night; you and me; thats all i need; instead, you’ve left; “i’ll be home in a little while. just a few hours”; those words kill me; the tears on my pillow; i pretend i am going to lay down when you leave; i hear the tires on the stones as you pull away; i cant help but sob in my pillow; i miss you, i need you; but you’re gone.