came home to a cold dinner and a lover that was in and out of his sleepy daze; i waited and waited before i just went ahead and skipped straight to my shower; i got out thinking we would eat dinner together. by then, he was down for the night. come to find out, he had already eaten. i heated up a plate in the microwave and called it a night. i still cant bring my self to laying down in a bed i dont want to be in. when he falls asleep before me, i hate going to bed. something just seems wrong. idk. i guess its all in my head because i have no real reason to not enjoying laying next to him. tomorrow i have to work night shift again. so much for me having a nice new years eve. hell. i will probably be asleep come midnight. i fell asleep before the ball dropped last year. i woke up in the new year dazed and confused. maybe that is how the year passed me by so quickly. just think, we are headed into a new year which means time for change and rearranging things in life. i hope i can come to terms wth the happenings of this past year and make next year something worth living.